


pretend like we're happy, pretend like we're good

by ghost boy (thatrioloser)



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Depression, Disappointment, F/M, One-Sided Attraction, POV First Person, genji is just real emo, no real romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-25
Updated: 2016-11-25
Packaged: 2018-09-02 03:10:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8649304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatrioloser/pseuds/ghost%20boy
Summary: Genji thinks back on his relationship with Angela.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by "Love" by Crywank

She’d been infatuated with me ever since she “saved” me. I was a living result of how great she was, how she could save anyone. I wish she didn’t save me. More often than not I wish I was dead. But she liked the thought that I was alive, that she could show off her medical skills. It’s a nice thought, but I wish it was anybody but me.

I stuck around her side, I felt like I to owed her something even though I didn’t want this. I wasn’t a person anymore, I was just a weapon for Overwatch to use. I wasn’t living for myself, anymore. But I don’t think I ever really was. 

I didn’t want it to happen, but it just did. She was always around me, showing me off to others. She’d always be touching me, kissing my faceplate. She claimed that she loved me. But I knew that she didn’t, I had many partners over the years that would say the exact same words, with no real meaning behind them.  I didn’t want to make her upset though, so I’d stay with her.

We didn’t love each other. I was only by her side to indulge her, and she was by mine to make herself look better. It’s all I felt like I could do to pay her back. The world saw us together, but at this point I didn’t really care. I knew that one day we’d both find another person to run off to, I was looking forward to finding mine. I wanted to be more than a side decoration. I wanted to feel like a person again. 

I tried to teach myself to love her, but it was hard. I wasn’t even a human to her. I was a machine, a weapon. I tried to think of things that made me love others in the past, but I always drew a blank. Maybe I never had fell in love. I suppose it’s kinda hard to love others when you’re not interested and you hate yourself. 

She always treated me kindly though, and I did appreciate that. But she wasn’t completely happy with me and I knew that. She was probably looking for someone new as well. Someone to replace me, a different decoration. I honestly couldn’t wait for the day that she would finally find someone new. I knew I couldn’t be the one to leave her first. I would be painted as “ungrateful” and “inconsiderate”. I knew how people responded when they were disappointed and disgusted in others. 

I am ungrateful for what she did to me. I wish she did just leave me to die. I wish I was dead. But I wouldn’t let myself be called inconsiderate, I didn’t stay by her side to feel less than what I am, to only be torn down more. I was constantly torn. I wanted to leave and go find something better for myself, but I couldn’t be the villain in her story either. I knew that wouldn’t be well for me either. 

I told her “I love you” once. She took off my faceplate and kissed me multiple times. I didn’t kiss back. She was telling me how wonderful my body was and how great it was that I was able to be brought back to life. She told me she loved me. I told her that I loved her. She only loved what she did with me, with what she made me become. I wanted to be alone and cry out all the emotion in me so I was numb. But I didn’t. I never seemed to get a chance to be alone.

I kept my emotions bottled up for ages. Before she saved me I would just fuck out my feelings. I knew people liked how I looked, I knew that I could at least get praise for that. But even that was taken away from me. My body is a weapon now. 

What really pushed me over the edge was when they finally told me why they recruited me. To kill my family. I remember wanting to vaporise into the air and never be seen again. The only true way to pay off my debt was to tell them all I knew and to aid them in killing my family. “As a way to thank Angela for saving you”. I wanted to protest but I didn’t. I went along with what they did. What they forcibly dragged me into. I had no way out and I wasn’t sure what would’ve happened if I refused, I was scared to, in all honestly. 

It was a few weeks after that when Angela stop using me as her decoration. I was a mess after the mission, and I’m sure she didn’t want to deal with it. It was a slow drift, but it was what I wanted? I admit that I missed the fact that someone at least liked the  _ thought  _ of me. But I know it was for the best. We never really “broke up” verbally either we both knew exactly what was happening, and we let it happen. I’m sure we were both relieved to finally be alone, once again. Our relationship was full of empty “I love you”s and superficial ideals. I felt more lonely with I was with her than I was alone.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this at 5 AM bc I couldnt sleep sorry if it sucks lmao. I was gonna end it w "love is fucking stupid and i hate you" like in the song but i thought that was too edgy so i didnt, i was just bein real emo when i wrote this sorry lmao


End file.
